Forgiveness for Lent

What does it mean to forgive?  I’ve been sitting with this question as lent begins.  What in particular does it feel and look like to forgive when one does not apologize?  I remarked to my spouse yesterday about how I can not forgive because someone (people) have not apologized to me yet.  Immediately, as those words spilled forth from my lips the image of Jesus on the cross saying, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” flashed in my mind’s eye.  I felt a flush of shame reach my cheeks and a pounding within my chest…hmm…this must be what God is calling me toward this lent.

I find loving others comes so easily to me.  At the same time, anger can erupt just as easily.  I hold onto grudges and past hurts.  I like to look at them to remind me of my victimhood.  As I do, I feel vindicated in my anger and my pain.  This is not the work of the Spirit and not the work of God.  So what does it mean to lean into forgiveness this lent?  What does it mean for me to examine my grudges and truly learn from the crucified Christ?

This journey is not an easy one but lent is not meant to be easy.  We are called into the desert with Jesus and to look at our temptations.  We are called to walk this road together with Jesus and notice what tendencies we have, what has control over us and in what ways our agency lies dormant.  This lent, I’m going to lean into this discomfort and know I am in good company.  I am going to spend some time with Jesus and learn from him.  Maybe, just maybe being in this discomfort will help release me from what holds me bound.  In fact, I think I will discover it is me who is doing the holding and the binding.  

God of forgiveness, open my heart, my hands, my eyes and my mind to your love.